If you feel down and not able to go on into life, please know I've been there.  And I have friends and close family who too have felt this downward pull inside. This exhaustion from living and dealing with people or problems.  But I promise you when we came out of it we were so grateful we didn't decide to end it all.  YOU are the reason I feel motivated to do the work I do. YOU are the one who I hope so greatly to reach in some way.  Sometimes we just wanna be alone but when your mind is telling you to end it, it's a good time to not be alone.  If you don't wanna talk to someone please take a look at the book I wrote about my life (Carolina G. Is The Masseuse) in The Way of The Masseuse tab.  I was moved to tell the truth about some pretty embarrassing events but I feel it's all for good and I want to share how I found my life purpose.  I know you can be okay again. I know you have the strength to ask God to help you.  Just utter those words and he will be there. I trust that. :)




Oh Happy Day, when Jesus washed, my sins, away!!!!

First let me say how very sorry I am if you have experienced loss in this manner of departure.  And if you know anyone in need of help, please know that YOU CAN help them to know there is a way out of thinking in ways which make one not want to be here anymore.  But you can't force someone to hear you or receive what you are giving. Jesus saves lives but still not everyone will be able to reach the understanding of how.  Knowing him can in fact save them from themselves and that's what I observe we must focus on.  Expressing what he has done for us.  Where we came out from.  From self abuse.  From a daze or hypnotization we couldn't have possibly seen.  It all starts with knowledge.  

Here's a clarification, self hatred, depression, hopelessness, mental emotional exhaustion, fear of rejection or OD'ing is a "sin".  All sin is redeemable by the sacrifice of the Life of Jesus Christ.  An innocent life paid the price for all sins we have done in the past. Get to know Christ.  God is with everyone. Even those who have done horrific things. He can forgive them too!  It's all about wanting to change your heart and asking him to help you do that.

Sin = Abuse   Self abuse or abuse of others, it's all called 'sin'.  It's like anti-money.  Debt.  Time spent doing wrong is accounted for in the end.  And God is a very good accountant.  In life we have an allowed amount of time given to us. Graced to us by God.  Regardless if we know it or believe in God or not.

Now, you may ask "how is depression a sin, people can't control that, sometimes it's a chemical or hormonal imbalance or something" and I'll say, "hey, it's an act of self focus".  But a focus in negative.  Why be in depression when you can be in prayer!  Be in meditation, sorting, clarifying, seeking understanding but never stay in actions which harm yourself.  Mourning is healthy to a certain balance.  But one must never choose laying around thinking sad or scary thoughts or that somehow self doubting can move you into a better space.  Don't get into a worse space. If you find something to feel down about, allow a thought process to happen and then leave it as it is.  It's like a pimple, don't keep picking at it, apply remedies or creams and stuff then, accept that it's there and leave it alone.


The mind is like a horse needing to be trained, cared for and if accessed for driving your life essence around, it needs to be controlled.  Or it, will extinguish that essence knowingly or unknowingly.

How is OD'ing self abuse?  Doing harmful drugs is abuse.  We can't 'over do it' when congregating with fellow Christ followers.  We can't over do praying all day.  Doing things we know are wrong is a sin because it's not an action used to bring the kingdom of God to earth.  We're all workers but if we don't work, we're broken.  Choose who you work for. 


I believe the only way we would ever be able to do things to hurt ourselves, is to choose to not know the true and full consequences of said behaviors and choices.  This is why we had to trust the lie, distrust our father and then take and eat a fruit 'to know'.  Accepting we did wrong is the first step in the process of healing which leads to growth.


Grow the tree of obedience now that you know what the fruit of the tree of good and evil tastes like.  We each possess a brain and it has two halves. One male the other female, in essence.  The garden of eden is peace of mind.

Happy people don't commit suicide.  

Sometimes I know I can make others happy, other times I'm struggling to believe in that self knowledge.  But this process has taught me to know that when I set my thoughts and desires on doing what Christ did and trying to be as loving and devoted to serving others as he, I am being like him by simply wanting to.  My focus of many desires became about pleasing God instead of pleasing myself and now I live to show how his love saved me.  And how very happy I am to serve his children as well, with every talent, word and action I now know have been gifted with.  And you have many gifts too.  Ask to be shown. Pray and ask your savior to show you, and he will.



YouTube video challenge: Video subject on what you've experienced with suicide and how you are doing with life currently. What you feel can help you and how you plan to apply that knowledge.

Communicating with others is a great way to focus on healing instead of suffering alone. I  believe we can start to create a community of people who feel empowered to know they have a family of members whom is happy to be here with them and also came from a sinful life but is now devoted to bringing God's kingdom to earth each and every day.

Below is under construction:  

This will be a video of my experience with suicidal thoughts and what I went through when hopelessness came to dine at my minds table.

Lake View